It is hard to believe that it has been 12 months since my knee replacements. When I consider where I was 12 months ago, the past year has been amazing. To be able to walk without my knees hurting is fantastic. Yes, my muscles around my knees do not always feel pain free, but the actual mechanics of walking produces no pain. Sleeping all night without knee pain certainly makes for a much better day. No longer sleeping with an assortment of pillows in the bed is freeing. To get in and out of my car without effort is a delight. To have the option of going somewhere without having to figure out where the parking is, how far to the entrance, whether the seating will be high enough or firm enough, whether there will be steps to navigate has freed up tons of psychic energy.
In spite of everything I read in preparing for knee replacement surgery, in spite of everything my doctor told me prior to surgery, I still fantasized in my head about how things were going to be. I would have my surgery-- yes, recovery would be hard and painful, but in the end, by 6 months or so, I would be behaving like someone with the knees of a 35 year old. I would not need any assistance, my knees would bend easily, I would be able to get up and down easily off the floor, I would be walking with the best of them around the neighborhood, I would be dancing-- basically there would be no limits to what I could do.
There has been some benefit to my fantasies being dashed. How could I help someone else if my recovery had been totally smooth and up to my expectations? I know of others who have had smooth sailing, and I know some who have had wretched times and would consider my course smooth sailing. In addition, if I could behave like a 35 year old, I would certainly be less compassionate towards my husband and some of his aches and pains!
I have spent the past 4 or 5 weeks being gracious to myself, and reconciling myself to the fact that I will not be meeting my 12 month goals. I was told in the beginning that recovery could take 12-18 months. So I am now allowing myself the full 18 months to recover. It hasn't been easy accepting this, but I have come to terms with it, and I am looking forward to more small accomplishments. I have experienced several lately, and I am certain that there are more to come before I reach total recovery. Plus, I am not ready to declare that where I am right now is the best I will be. While I was waiting for my mother at physical therapy, I met a guy who had had two knee replacements also. He was told by his therapist that his functioning was 80%; he got a personal trainer and can now do absolutely anything he wants that will not cause possible damage to his replacements. A personal trainer may be in my future.
I am so thankful that I live at a time when knee replacements are possible. I'm glad I did it; I would recommend it to anyone who is willing to work very hard afterwards.
I had to comment IMMEDIATELY! First of all, happy anniversary! You are really my inspiration. I had my 6-month checkup on Wednesday and I told myself in advance that I would be any way the doctor said I am... Meaning, I am disappointed too that I am where I am... but the doctor is thrilled with my progress so I took that attitude with me out of the doctor's office and have actually felt a little bit better.
ReplyDeleteI keep telling myself I am "only" half way there - and if at the outside the recovery is 18 months then I am only 1/3 of the way there. That actually makes me feel better - to know that I have so much more potential.
Your trip to Disney must be coming up soon - have a wonderful time and enjoy your new knees. (Hint - DO use the scooter in Epcot - save yourself for whatever walking you HAVE to do.)
Miriam
Miriam,
ReplyDeleteI have missed your posts--so good to hear from you! I have learned many things from you. Almost daily I tell myself to lead with my chest. I still want to look down at the ground!! Keep watching for those little victories. Recently, I balanced on one foot while sliding my other foot in my Crocs--shocking! Then I was able to ride my bike up the driveway for the first time. Once I hit the apron of the driveway, I usually lose my momentum and end up having to walk my bike up the driveway--these are things that just happen, and when I recognize them, it makes me so excited. Grocery shopping for Thanksgiving was a delight. Last year was sheer misery. Every week there will be a few new things I can do or do better, and that is what makes me know that I'm not through yet. I still have heat in my left knee, and my therapist said that means I'm still healing, so I still have great hope for more finesse in my progress. My stiffness in both knees has really improved over the past couple of months, but I have to work at it every day. If I miss a day or two, the stiffness sneaks back very quickly.
Yes, Disney is Dec. 12th. I hope to hit the ground "running"! I will seriously consider the scooter in EPCOT. I just cannot wait. Hang in there, be gentle with yourself.
Sandy